The Emotional Pit of Poker Rooms

Some say men don’t feel as much. You want to see men have emotions, go to a poker room. Since it’s conception it has always been a hot bed for feelings. From the origins of poker, a game called As Nas in 16th century Persia, to being a staple of the Old West where not only money was won and lost, but so were lives. Poker has always been filled with feelings.

Poker has long been a game where the intention is to not show feelings. A game with the majority of players being men, it is no surprise that one of the greatest assets for success would be the suppression of emotions. As boys we are often schooled to shove our feelings down. What better than to play a game where you are rewarded for how well you can do this.

Some say it’s all about emotional control. To stay centered and not let anything bother you. It’s a great theory but not reality. In any poker room in any part of the world, there is just as much emotion as in any playground or in any hospital room.

Walk into any poker room in the world and you’ll see mostly men sitting there trying to squish down feelings at all cost. Trying to not go on tilt. Tilt is when they are acting based on their feelings not their intelligence. That is part of the game. Not allowing your opponent to see how you feel about a certain card or action. Poker is a game where you look for tells, signs or indications of what cards the opponent may have in their hand. The clearest way to those tells is through your opponents feelings.

Many times, a player is trying to cover up a lie. Sweating, eye movements, micro expressions, changes in body posture and even changes in speech patterns can help us recognise a lie. When we have a certain feeling it’s hard for many of us to mask it.

It’s not just the face that begins to show all the feelings we carry. A new study of the game has found that arm and hand movements are even more of a ‘tell’ than the face. For example how a player puts the chips in the pot. Generally those who are confident place their bets with a smoother hand. “Even though professional players may be able to regulate their facial expressions, their arm movements could betray the quality of their poker hand” the researchers from Tuft University concluded in the journal of Psychological Science.

Where do these feelings come from? Well first of all we have feelings about everything. In the poker room we have feelings about the room, the people around us, winning, losing…oh yeah and money. This is one that isn’t talked about much in poker. The feelings we all have about money.

The game of poker is full of emotions. It’s very symbolic of life. It’s like life in the extreme. It has its ups, downs, and more downs. Reactions of “how could you call that?” or “just my luck!” come flooding out. Life throws you a turn and you feel like the most unlucky person on the planet.

We are all emotional beings. It’s an interesting game emulating a being or something that is so much more evolved than you actually are. That is what many players are doing. They are trying to be someone who is beyond the ups and downs of life. Like a Saint…but we’re not.

We get shocked and have feelings because we don’t fully accept that life happens. Don’t worry nobody quite gets it. It’s not simple, but through understanding we won’t be as shocked. We can do this by moving feelings around the surprises. Yes, ‘one outers’ do happen. It might be rare but they will. People will call you with nothing and win. To know this and move our feelings around it will bring us to understanding.

‘You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.’

-Jim Morrison

The actual concept of the poker face is fascinating. Whether it be in the poker room, board room or even in relationships, it could be very useful. That is if it was authentic. It could be compared to the serenity on the Buddha’s face. That no matter what happens through life’s ups and downs that you stay serenely in yourself. That’s actually a really great concept but that is not what happens in most poker rooms.

In these rooms you have a lot anger and frustration being stuffed down. It shouldn’t be about getting better at repressing feelings. That is only a recipe for disaster. Life tends to find a way to setup moments for you to release those feelings. If you are constantly suppressing a certain energy life will continue to take you there until it is released.

The way out is not suppressing the feelings but becoming very good at moving feelings. Yes to go the exact opposite. When we become really close to our feelings we can move those energies when we want. No need to suppress. Just the opposite. Move the feelings.

We worry about money, grieve our losses, are afraid of losing, get angry about the calls and anxious about the next card. Then there’s the other feelings the ones we call positive such as the joy of victory. Surprisingly that sometimes can lead you into deeper problems. Just ask anyone who has won the lottery.

When we become at one with all our feelings we don’t need to supress anything. We can see how life does bring events that may shock us and evoke certain feelings but we don’t need to follow them. If we’re familiar with those energies we can move those feelings through our body. The better we get the quicker they can move through.

The ultimate poker face is basically the face of the serenity in a Buddha. The face of one who has found their center and is not swayed to and from by life’s ever changing winds. Whether it be a huge loss or a mammoth win you can allow the feelings to move through you and return to your center. Know that all life is impermanent and a win today may be a loss tomorrow. The true poker face has nothing to do with suppressing but rather the complete opposite, to be one with your feelings.

“He who conquers others is strong. He who conquers himself is mighty.” Lao Tsu

To understand that your opponent may only have ‘one out’ but that ‘one out’ may come shouldn’t be a shock. Although the odds may be on your side the unlikely can happen. Move your feelings about shock and what you consider a surprise. Remember just when you think you’ve got it all in the bag, it can be easily taken away. It’s about truly understanding that life is Dukkha, suffering, full of surprises and shocks. Knowing this and truly allowing yourself to feel your emotions and letting them move through you, will take you much further than just supressing. That is much bigger than winning and losing at a card game.

Dr. Jag Johal